Your relationship should be a safe space for sharing and expressing yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. So when your husband or significant other sees you crying, the last thing you want (or expect) is for him to feel mad with you.
If a guy yells at you when you cry around him, it’s time to find out why he does so and deal with it.
Here are 6 of the common reasons why he gets angry when you start crying:
1. He Doesn’t Know Why You are Crying
When someone cries, it is an expression of sadness, hurt, or discomfort. Unfortunately, tears all by themselves cannot explain why you are crying.
This may be a simple reason your husband feels frustrated – he does not know why you are crying.
His confusion could make him feel angry, even to the rather unfortunate point of yelling. This is an overreaction to being unable to deal with, or help with, your emotions.
Once you’ve calmed down or walked away and had some space, you could try talking to him about why you were crying in the first place. This will either help him better understand you in the future or prevent him from becoming so frustrated for feeling helpless.
However, if he doesn’t take your reasoning seriously, he may be unable to empathize with you and your problems.
2. He Thinks Crying is Pointless
The human body has intense reactions to negative emotions: our hearts beat faster, we sweat, our faces flushed, and some people tremble and shake.
Even though our bodies can feel these dramatic responses to negative emotions, some of us feel like they are a waste of energy.
Your partner might think that crying is a waste of energy. He may tell you that “crying solves nothing.” It might make him angry when you get too emotional.
However, his yelling at you or being angry solves nothing either. It may make you feel worse, creating a rift in your relationship or harming your emotional and mental health.
Try talking to him about how his views on crying affect you negatively. He may feel sorry for hurting your feelings, or he may be unable to empathize.
Whatever the outcome, it is important to remember that crying is a healthy emotional response to feeling overwhelmed, sad, angry, or upset.
3. That’s What He Saw His Father Do
Many men have learned how to treat a woman from their fathers without realizing it.
If a guy saw his dad dealing with his mom or other female friends by yelling at them for crying, it has probably become etched in his subconscious.
This mirroring behavior is common but also dangerous. It is hard for women to be happy with a man who treats them poorly when they are upset.
If you think your partner is repeating the same behavior his father showed his mother, it may be difficult to break him out of the habit.
Telling him how you feel is a good first step, but he needs to figure out how he wants to move forward with his behavior himself.
4. He Thinks You’re Trying to Manipulate Him
If a man thinks he is being manipulated, he may not empathize with what you’re going through.
He may have had previous experience with other women who wielded the weapon of “crocodile tears” to get what they wanted. It could even stem from his past experiences with you if you have been guilty of this before.
Sometimes, when we hurt someone we love, we feel that emotion so strongly that we cry instead of apologizing. This can make them feel manipulated, even if we only do what we feel is right.
If you are not trying to manipulate him but genuinely expressing sadness, choose a good time to talk with him. Find out what he thinks and feels when you cry.
If he’s concerned about being manipulated, find out if he was treated badly before. Reassure him that you are not crying to manipulate him but rather because you feel difficult emotions.
He needs to trust that you are telling him the truth and stop yelling at you in the future for crying.
5. He Feels Powerless to Help You
A guy might be interpreting your crying as a call for help, but he doesn’t know how to assist you.
You are his damsel in distress, and he is your “knight in shining armor.” However, if he can’t help you, it will be frustrating for him, and he can get upset.
Whenever we feel powerless, we can sometimes turn to anger or even become afraid. Those emotions make us get defensive, and we may hurt the people we love.
If your guy is struggling with helping you through tough times, assure him that all you need is his presence, a hug, and perhaps a box of Kleenex!
He doesn’t need to fix your problems. Sometimes our partners need to listen to us.
Furthermore, if your problems do have solutions, reach out to him for help! Trust that your partner wants to make you happy and do whatever they can to help.
6. He Feels Guilty For Not Keeping You Happy
When you are crying, a guy might think it’s suggesting there’s an unresolved problem.
If he believes that he should be your problem-solver, your crying might make him feel like he is at fault for not solving your problems.
It suggests he fails as your man, who should keep you safe, provide for you, and protect you.
Let him know you are not insinuating any failure on his part. Make him aware of your expectations of him when you cry, like just hugging you, sitting quietly with you, etc.
Again, he doesn’t need to be there to fix everything – but he might feel like he has to.
Remind him that you are capable of helping yourself but that having him as support is all you need!
How to Help a Guy Who Yells When You Cry
Emotions can be a scary thing for a guy to handle.
He may not have been taught how to handle his own emotions, let alone someone else’s. To help him, calmly ask him about his yelling.
If he doesn’t understand where his emotions are coming from, ask him to look into speaking to someone else about it, whether that is a trusted friend, parent, or even a therapist.
Always use the right time and location to talk with him calmly. Make sure that he’s relaxed, not distracted, and not stressed.
It’s also important not to have your discussions in front of others. Privacy is important when discussing heavy topics.
The conversation will not be easy, but it is important to bring you both closer to each other.
All emotions are valid. You have a right to express yourself, and your significant other has a right to self-expression.
The honest expression of emotions nourishes the relationship you share.
Take the time and use resources at your disposal to keep you both emotionally balanced and healthy.
It is worth your efforts to understand yourself and help him navigate his feelings as you work towards a better relationship.
Emotional waste – what it means