It has often been said that women are men’s therapists, mothers, lovers, schedule keepers, secretaries, nannies, and housekeepers. This comes from an outdated idea from and long-ago age when women weren’t allowed to vote, go to school or have jobs, and they were forced to stay at home and take care of everything.
Unfortunately, these ideas can persist in some social circles, even in modern times.
For example, some men are taught from a very young age that they don’t have to help with chores. Some men are taught that they will have a wife someday who will take care of them in the same way that their mother did.
However, this is not a reason to judge all men or assume that they won’t be helpful or contribute to the household. Men can be very helpful and capable of taking on any task put in their path.
Some men even enjoy doing chores:
Here’s Why Guys Like Helping their Girlfriends:
Men want to show the person they love that they care. They will show this by helping out around the house or doing errands for their partners. Men also sometimes enjoy doing chores or helping with family issues. Men and women will both pull their weight in an equal partnership.
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What Kind of Things Do Men Like to Help With?
It’s kind of a stereotype that men only like to help with physical things around the house. This could include mowing the lawn, fixing the sink, or working on the car.
In fact, men like to help around the house with a lot of things. Some men like to go grocery shopping. Some of them like to bake. Some like to fold laundry in front of the TV.
There really is no one “thing” that men like to do specifically. Every man is different. Assuming that your man will only help with “manly” things like mowing the lawn might put him in a metaphorical box.
You might accidentally convince your man that the only thing he’s good for is fixing the car instead of baking, shopping, or helping with the kids’ homework. Let him do the things he enjoys – that way he will do them well!
Do Men Generally Help Out With Chores?
There are a lot of horror stories online about girlfriends who broke up with their boyfriends because their guy had never washed a dish in his life. There are also a lot of stories about men who assume that women are the only ones who can do chores.
However, that doesn’t mean that every man is like that. Your man might love to do chores.
Now, he may not like to do every chore, such as cleaning the toilet or grouting out the gutters. However, he might like to do laundry or he might like to cook. He might like to clean up in the kitchen or vacuum the rugs.
Asking him what chores he prefers to do and letting him do them is a great way to keep harmony in the household and get some help with chores.
This works for any person that you are living with, including friends and roommates, not just your boyfriend!
Do Men Generally Help Out With Family?
We always say that men don’t help out with chores, but what about all the other aspects of our lives?
What about helping with the kids, grocery shopping, or with the finances of the house? What about planning doctor’s appointments and parties and events with friends? What about keeping the schedule and making sure everybody is on time?
The truth is, women are taught that men don’t help unless they are forced to. This isn’t always the case.
There are a lot of great boyfriends and husbands out there who will take care of their aging parents and their children or step-children. Your husband might help out with his in-laws. He might be great with the kids and help with homework, school projects, and after-school sports or activities.
There are some guys out there who will hold their child’s hand at the dentist to make sure that they feel safe, or help pick out their kid’s homecoming dresses or suits for prom.
Just because we are taught that men don’t help with the chores or the family, doesn’t mean that it is true. Let men surprise you and show you that they can be just as organized and efficient as you are.
How Do You Know When to Ask for His Help?
A lot of women are too afraid to ask husbands or boyfriends for help with something because they’re afraid that they’ll say no.
In a healthy and stable relationship, you should be able to ask for help without your partner getting upset, yelling, becoming obstinant, or flat-out refusing.
However, if you are unsure about how to ask him for help, consider implementing a few strategies:
Talking about the management of the house and how you want to tackle taking care of it is a great way to get your partner to help you out.
Whether you need a ride to the airport or help to do the dishes, talking about how to approach each other in a nice way is crucial to a harmonious living situation. Just like with any roommate, it is important to know their personal schedules and plan chores or activities around them.
That way, you can get things done without inconveniencing or frustrating your partner.
Also, divvying up chores and communicating which ones you prefer to do and which ones you will not do is a great way to prevent misunderstandings in the future.
Also, it is important that you help each other take on the really gross chores that neither of you really want to do, but you definitely still have to do like clean the toilet or clean mold out of the shower (if it has come to that).
Finding the Right Moment to Ask:
We all have bad days, men included.
If a day at work has been particularly annoying or has created some massive anxiety, it’s probably best to put chores on hold for the day. If your partner is injured or ill, they probably can’t help you with appointments, lawn work, or with the kids.
During these moments, it’s great to support them and have them lean on you for help. That way, when you are sick or injured or had a really bad day, they can do the work around the house for you instead.
It’s best to be able to know your partner’s mood and understand when it is a good time to ask and when it is a good time to leave them alone. It’s also great to let your partner know when you don’t want to be asked to do something.
Letting them know when your bad moods have come around will help them avoid accidentally upsetting you.
Trusting them to Do Tasks Themselves:
Sometimes the problem isn’t doing the chores, but rather constantly being told to do them.
Men are adults and they will act like it. You shouldn’t have to constantly be telling them to help you with the house or the kids, or to keep to the schedule. They will know that they need to take the car for a wash or help with the lawn or even just help the kids with their homework.
Furthermore, you need to trust them. Trust that they will take on chores. Trust that they will help with the kids. Trust that they will pick up the right things from the grocery store.
When we don’t trust each other, we try to get ahead of situations before they even happen. For example, he might be thinking about taking the car to the car wash. He gets up, grabs his keys in his wallet, and as he’s about to head out the door, you yell, “Hey, while you’re out, wash the car.”
This could be frustrating for a partner who always has to reply with, “I know, I was just about to do that.”
Trust them and they will trust you.
Why Won’t He Help Me With Something?
If you have done everything that we’ve suggested above, and more, and he still won’t help you with something, then it’s definitely a problem.
This could be because he doesn’t believe he has to do chores. This could be because the two of you aren’t communicating properly. This could also just be because he doesn’t want to help.
If you have a guy who doesn’t want to help, you really need to think about how your lives are going to work together. Nobody wants to be the only person doing things, and if he is making you feel like you’re the only one doing the work, the relationship might not last.
The best thing to do to prevent disaster is to be upfront and ask him why.
Why won’t he do the dishes, or the laundry, or mow the lawn? If the answer is that he just doesn’t want to, or that he thinks men shouldn’t have to do chores, it will be very difficult to change his mind.
We can’t change people, even if we want to. We can encourage them to try and change, or to help even if they don’t want to, but we can’t make them.
Furthermore, you are nobody’s servant. No single person in a relationship should be the only one doing everything around the house. If your partner is making you into their housemaid, it is probably time to move on or have a very serious discussion with them.
4 Ways to Encourage Your Boyfriend to Help You More:
If you’re finding it hard to motivate him or yourself into doing chores, here are a few ideas to get you started:
Do Chores Together:
If you’ve ever been in a big family or living in a roommate situation, you know that it is no fun to do chores all by yourself. Seeing that your roommates are in the living room watching Netflix while you’re vacuuming or doing the dishes makes you really angry after a while.
Instead, it’s really good to do chores together as a group event.
On Sundays, when you have free time, you and your partner can spend one or two hours together by turning music or a podcast on and vacuuming, cleaning, washing, or folding laundry. Not only will you have reset your house for the week, but you also won’t feel like the only one pulling your weight.
This is a great way to encourage someone who doesn’t like to do chores to do them. Not only are they helping out, but they don’t feel alone.
Make it Fun:
Listening to music or a podcast or watching TV is a great way to make chores fun. You can always fold laundry together in front of Netflix or listen to a podcast while you wash and dry dishes.
You can also reward yourself or each other after you’ve done chores. If you like to do chores in the middle of the week, take yourself out to dinner afterward as a celebration.
Go to the grocery store and get something you usually don’t as a treat. You can also go out to a movie.
Maybe you like to go dancing or there’s a place that you really love to go to together. Have a date night!
Whatever you do, let him and yourself know that doing chores equals some kind of treat or reward, making it fun and worth it to clean and take care of the house.
Let Him Do it Alone:
Your guy might actually enjoy some time to himself, putting his headphones in and ignoring the rest of the world while he cleans. Sometimes it’s easier to do chores by yourself when you feel like you have a specific way of doing them.
We all have different ideas of what “organized” or “clean” means. Sometimes that requires us to do chores by ourselves, but most of the time we don’t mind.
It might be a great way to shut off your brain and just be alone, but also do something productive. If your guy enjoys doing chores but doesn’t like to do it in a group event, definitely let him do it alone and give him space.
Tell Them How You Feel:
When all else fails, communication is the best way to get through to your partner. If their inability to help you is really causing you emotional stress or pain, you definitely need to let them know.
Sometimes couples can’t pick up on what the other person is feeling. Letting each other know with clear and concise words what is bothering you is a great way to prevent these things from happening.
Once you’ve told him how you feel, he should be more interested in helping. If you told him how you feel and he still doesn’t want to help, it’s probably time to start rethinking the relationship a little bit and have a much more serious conversation.
As I mentioned before, constantly being told to do a chore or to help out and not trusting your partner to do it themselves can actually frustrate them more.
Sure, if your boyfriend hasn’t helped you for a long time and you no longer trust him to do so, it makes sense that you want to say something.
However, for the partner that you do trust and who is good at helping out around the house, be patient and let them do it themselves. Trust that they know what they’re doing and they know what tasks need to be done.
Also, if you have a partner who isn’t used to doing chores, definitely let him find his stride in how he likes to do them. Let him watch Netflix or listen to music as he does his chores.
If you pressure him into doing chores the way you prefer, you may end up souring the experience for him altogether.