If you’re interested in someone, it can be hard when they don’t share those feelings. It hurts even more when the guy you like hooks up with or dates your friend.
When that happens more than once, it can be devastating. It’s a form of rejection, and it’s okay that it hurts your feelings.
If you’d like to prevent it from happening, it is important first to understand why men do this:
Some Cases Where A Guy May Go For Your Friend:
Sometimes guys may see you as just a friend, so they may only be platonically interested in you. They also may be interested in you but be unsure of your feelings. They might choose someone else if they think you don’t like them. They might also just match better with someone else romantically.
He Sees You As Just a Friend
There’s nothing wrong with guys and girls just being friends. If his feelings are truly platonic, there isn’t much you can do about that.
Don’t change who you are to make him like you romantically.
Sometimes, guys see their female friends as “one of the guys.” Girls who don’t fit with their idea of normal gender stereotypes may be fun to hang out with.
They may love that you play golf with them or toss a football around at a tailgate. If you’re the only girl doing things with the guys, they may see you as one of them.
That isn’t to say that girls who are “one of the guys” can’t be of romantic interest. It may just mean there is a social boundary between you, in that he doesn’t want to ruin your friendship or your group dynamic by asking you out.
You may also communicate and interact with your male friends the same way you do with your brothers or male cousins, thereby taking away the potential romantic element they’re looking for.
He Isn’t Sure About Your Feelings
If you express your feelings to him, he may return them once he knows it’s an option.
In the past, he might not have even opened that door. When we aren’t sure if someone is interested in us, we don’t always want to take a chance on it.
Instead, we maintain our friendships and boundaries to prevent embarrassment or rejection.
Even if he has feelings for you, if you’re not good at communicating that you like him too, he may go for your friend if she’s more overt or forthcoming.
It can be hard to express those feelings, especially if you have been rejected before. However, being open and honest about your feelings with a guy you’re interested in leads to a much higher chance of success, especially because men tend to communicate differently than women.
Frank conversations will likely get you where you want to go more effectively that flirting or being too shy to shoot your shot.
He May Want Just a Fling, But You Want a Relationship
Some people love the single life, and there’s no shame in that.
However, if you’re the kind of person who’s expressed interest in being in a serious relationship, the guy you like may not be interested in that. If you went to a club looking for a good time and met a guy who wanted to find his future wife, you probably wouldn’t be into him.
So if you want a relationship, you may find guys going for your friends who are more open to casual dating or flings.
Even if he’d “fling” with you, you’re both going to be unhappy if that’s not what you both want.
Is He Using Me to Get to My Friends?
Probably not. If he wants to be friends with you, he’ll be friends with you.
He could still pursue your friends regardless of his relationship with you. Depending on the context of your relationship, you may be part of a friend group together.
So even if there is a little bit of awkwardness between the two of you, he may stay friends with you because the entire social circle is important to him.
It isn’t likely that he’s just buds with you to be with your roommate.
Is There Something I’m Doing Wrong?
Men and women can and should be friends.
It can be hard for love to be one-sided, but it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Learning to be more expressive about your romantic interest may lead to more romantic encounters, but even if you lay all your cards on the table, he still may only see you as a friend.
That’s fine! While it can be hard to deal with, it’s better to be in a relationship with someone who has the same romantic feelings as you.
How Can I Show Him I’m Girlfriend Material?
Speaking of opening up and being more expressive, here are some tips for letting him know what you’re feeling.
A. Expand your Emotional Vocabulary
Unfortunately, emotional intelligence isn’t one of those things that are readily taught to many people. That can lead to many of us being unsure of what exactly it is we’re feeling.
One way to figure out what exactly it is that you’re feeling is to get more specific about your feelings and write them down.
This will give you a clearer understanding of what you want from the guy you’re interested in.
If it doesn’t go the way you hope, there’s lots of evidence that journaling about your emotions will help you process them faster and come out on the other side.
B. Work On Saying What You Want
A lot of this will come down to timing. If you two hang out frequently together, tell him how you feel during one of your normal activities.
It doesn’t have to be a formal announcement of forever love, but after you’ve worked on understanding your feelings, it’s okay to say them.
You don’t need to do a big dramatic thing, but if you’re walking home after class or getting together to play video games, it’s okay to say, “Hey, I think I may have a crush on you.”
Guys can sometimes be oblivious, and in almost all situations, it’s better to be upfront. He may say that he’s not interested in you in that way or that he hadn’t considered it.
If he had previously had a thing with one of your friends, he might have thought you were “off-limits.”
No matter what he says, it’s a victory for you that you shared your feelings.
Sources:
Why Growing Up With Brothers Changes How You Navigate The Dating Scene | Elite Daily
You Can Write Your Way Out of an Emotional Funk. Here’s How. | The Cut