If you’re like most women, being around men can make you uncomfortable.
Even if you’re really interested in getting to know someone, the awkwardness always has a way of showing up.
So, how can you feel more comfortable around guys? The key is confidence!
When you’re feeling judged, the last thing you may want to do is be yourself. Opening up to someone when you don’t feel confident or valuable to the conversation is a very difficult thing to do.
How to be Comfortable Around Guys:
It can be hard to get over our insecurities, especially around the opposite sex. This is because many women feel judged without any evidence of actually being judged. Be yourself around people. It can take a lot of self-reflection and care to portray confidence but will make you more comfortable.
Table of Contents
How Do Some Girls Feel So Calm Around Guys?
We all know that one girl who can seamlessly move from conversation to conversation without skipping a beat. She glides across any room and is so effortlessly cool with guys.
I’m going to let you in on a big secret!
That girl who seems to be able to have the courage of a lion and is always so calm around guys has insecurities too. The fact is that some girls are just better at masking their insecurities so that they can make genuine connections without all those little doubts in her head getting in the way.
The feeling of being insecure around guys has a lot to do with fear as well as past experiences. People process bad experiences in different ways. This means that the girl who can be friends with everyone also has a past, but maybe she is able to process it better so it doesn’t tarnish future relationships.
If you really want to know why some girls feel calmer around guys, ask them! If you do this, maybe some of the fear that you’ve built up in your head won’t seem so bad once you’ve heard someone else’s point of view.
How Can I Feel Calm Around Guys Too?
So you don’t have the confidence to have a full-on conversation with a guy right now?
This is because we tend to lead with emotion making us heart-strong creatures while guys tend to lead with their heads. There is absolute beauty in raw emotion, even discomfort has its perks.
So, even if you feel like you can’t talk to a guy without melting into an embarrassing puddle, give hiding your fears a try! You never know what you might learn about yourself until you put yourself in those uncomfortable situations.
The more you put yourself out there, the calmer you will become when approaching guys. So, by the time you’re ready to talk to your dream guy, you will know what to expect!
How Can You Train Yourself To Be More Relaxed Around Guys?
Training yourself to be more relaxed around guys is all about teaching your brain to keep yourself calm.
Remember that He Wants to Talk to You:
The first thing to note is that if a guy is talking to you, they want to talk to you.
Rarely do people go out of their way to start a conversation with a girl when they have no interest in what that girl is saying.
So, if a guy has approached you, try to quiet that part of your brain that is telling you that you are not worthy of the attention. However, being the one to start the conversation takes some serious confidence on your part.
Breathe:
Secondly, remember to breathe.
While men don’t pick up on little nuances the same way that women do, they will be able to sense if you’re uncomfortable. So, take a deep breath before speaking.
This will help your brain to take a beat before responding. Rambling is a sure-fire way to announce that you are not calm.
When you take that extra second to think before talking, you will come across much more clear and confident.
What About After The First Initiation?
You were able to start the conversation and were able to be present and confident, but what now?
You may find yourself stuck after this but don’t worry, there are plenty of ways to keep the confidence train running! The best thing you can do when you are in a conversation with a guy is to remember to not talk about yourself so much.
While it is important for the guy to learn more about who you are in order to make that human connection, the guy also needs to feel like you’re interested in learning about him.
The best way to do this is to be engaged with what he is saying. Take mental notes so that you can follow up with compliments and questions. This will show him that you are truly interested in what he says.
This will also help him to open up more and relax when talking to you. Once the both of you are comfortable and engaged with each other’s conversations, you will find that your confidence will be growing with every word.
By the end of the conversation, you won’t even remember that you were once nervous!
What Are Some Good Topics To Open A Conversation With A Guy?
We’ve all seen the same movie trope where the shy girl gets her first date with the boy she likes.
On this date, she pulls out a stack of note cards full of topics to discuss. While this may seem a little strange for a first date, there is something clever about having a list of topics to talk about ahead of time.
While I suggest skipping the note cards, having some things to talk about on hand isn’t the worst idea.
One of the biggest reasons for the anxiety that comes with a first date is the fear of running out of things to talk about. The dread of a dwindling conversation is enough to keep anyone at home.
So, here are some great topics to keep off-hand if you worry about a stalling conversation:
What Is He Passionate About?
The first thing you will want to know is what the guy you’re seeing is really passionate about.
You can learn this mostly through social media before your date. Casually mentioning his favorite sport’s team or hobby will be a great way to show him that you are interested in learning about his interests.
If you’ve found the right passion of his, the conversation will seem like it will never end.
This will help to take some of the pressure off of you and your nerves so the two of you can really focus on connection.
Learn About His Upbringing
Asking questions about his family and upbringing is always a great conversation starter.
I could go on for hours about my family and how our wild dynamic and most guys will do the exact same. Learning about how he gets along with his family is a great way to learn more about him in general.
I always say that you can tell a lot about a guy by his relationship with his parents. Just be careful, sometimes opening the family box can lead to some unexpected discoveries.
So, while you want to learn more about his family, it is best to keep it light. Especially on a first date.
Any Topics To Avoid?
Remember the goal is to be calm and confident.
So, avoid any topic that might bring up some bad memories for either of you. The biggest thing that I would avoid is any conversation about past relationships.
I think the big “ex-talk” is best done after the two of you have had a few more dates. When we learn about their romantic past, we tend to reflect that onto ourselves.
However, it is important to remember that every new relationship deserves its own fresh start. I would also avoid getting too deep on the first date.
We all have a past and we all have our baggage. The goal is to learn about each other, not to bring up trauma.
So, save the big stuff for when you feel truly the most comfortable with this person.
What Makes A Guy Comfortable Around A Girl?
Guys are not as cool-headed as they want us to believe.
They too have insecurities about starting up conversations and can even feel self-conscious the same way that girls do. So, how are they able to seem so comfortable around a girl?
The truth is, they are better at masking those insecurities.
Girls are their own worst enemy when it comes to overthinking. We tend to plan out every word and move as well as mentally play out every worse care scenario we can think of.
This is because, as mentioned before, women lead with emotion. It is hard to separate the emotion from the anxiety of having a conversation with a guy.
This isn’t a bad thing. Emotions make us vulnerable and when we’re vulnerable, we’re able to be our true selves. Perhaps men are just better at faking the confidence.
So, maybe thinking like a guy isn’t the worst idea in the world. If you want to be as comfortable as the guy is, try matching his energy.
Final Thoughts:
While learning ways to open up and communicate when it comes to talking to a guy is a great start, the most important thing to remember is to be yourself.
After all, you want the guy to actually know who you are. If you are not presenting your true self, how can you expect the guy to care about you for who you are and not who you are presenting yourself to be?
So, remember that underneath all of the nerves and the topics you want, show your true self!
You are the main character of this movie you are creating. So, be the best version of yourself that you can be – anxiety and all!
If this guy is meant to be in your life, he will accept all of you, including your social flaws. No one is perfect and whether or not you believe it, no one actually wants a perfect person. Trying to be perfect puts way too much pressure on this budding relationship and is a sure way for it all to fall apart.
So, take a moment and breathe. If you’ve approached the guy with an open heart, you’ve already done the hard part. As long as you’re yourself, the rest will come easier than you think.
Reference Links:
How to Keep Confident When Hanging Around Boys
40 Things to Talk About With a Guy!
10 things men should do to make women feel comfortable on dates