It can be challenging when you’re in a relationship and feel that your partner isn’t genuine or lies to you about his feelings.
There are a few reasons why a man might be lying to you. He may not even know he’s doing it!
Men are taught to hold their emotions in from a young age, and there’s evidence to suggest men and women experience emotions in different ways.
This means that men and women express those feelings differently, as well.
Here’s Why He Might Lie About His Feelings:
Some men lie about their feelings to prevent hurting yours. If he does have strong, loving feelings for you, he may be afraid to be vulnerable and express them. Culture and societal background influence how men express their emotions. There are also ways men communicate nonverbally that we miss.
1. He Doesn’t Want To Hurt Your Feelings:
Men can sometimes lie about their feelings because they’re afraid of hurting yours.
Breaking up can be an emotional experience, and many men are uncomfortable with hurting their partners, even if they are ready to walk away.
It can seem easier in the moment to let a relationship linger on instead of confronting problems and communicating clearly.
If you’re getting the impression that he’s not feeling the same way you do, you may have to push the issue yourself. It might be painful, but in the end, it’s better to have an honest conversation if at all possible.
For example, if he is getting pressure from family and friends to “settle down,” then he might be getting serious with you for the wrong reasons. Knowing if that’s true, or if it is the case, is important to decide if you want to continue with him.
Men Can Be Non-Confrontational
If a man doesn’t really want to be with you, it can still be hard for them to end the relationship.
This avoidance may be because a crying or upset woman can put men in uncomfortable situations. Many guys have negative emotions about crying in general, either from not wanting to hurt others or from being told that crying is shameful.
If he’s not that into you, he’s probably going to be even less into making you cry and dealing with your tears.
2. He’s Afraid To Be Vulnerable:
If he does love you, but he doesn’t use his words, it is probably because men aren’t always capable of talking about their emotions.
It’s no surprise that men and women have differences in expressing emotions. It isn’t that men have fewer emotions, but they’re often taught to show some emotions more than others from a very young age.
Because of this, they are hard-wired into thinking that being quiet or getting angry instead of vulnerable is the proper response.
This is a classic case of what’s known as nature vs. nurture:
Nature vs. Nurture
They may also feel sad but claim they are mad instead. This stems from being told that anger is a more appropriate emotion than sadness.
The question comes down to, are traits hardwired into our genetic code (nature), or are they influenced more by culture, family environment, religion, and socioeconomic status (nurture)?
It’s generally accepted that most traits are a combination of both, especially concerning personality.
Nurture (Cultural Responses to Gender Traits)
In many cultures, children are often encouraged to show different emotions based on gender.
Aggression, stoicism, and self-reliance are more encouraged in boys, while girls are shown more praise when they express their feelings and are nurturing and obedient.
Think back to the playground days. Most of us can remember a boy being teased for crying or having an emotional attachment to something like a stuffed animal.
Over time, boys learn to be more restrictive in their emotions, translating to tension in a relationship. Even if he’s head over heels for you, he is likely not well-practiced in expressing those emotions.
This is especially true if your man perceives that he might get hurt if you don’t reciprocate those feelings. He then might play things “close to the chest.”
Nature (It’s a Brain Thing)
While it’s generally thought that community and environment are the most crucial factor in how men process their emotions, some biological factors do come into play.
Brain scans have shown that different parts of the brain light up in an fMRI machine when they experience negative emotions. This difference in how the brain works through these emotions likely affects how men and women verbally express their feelings differently.
Those differences may never be changed due to the nature of our brains, but we can work together to better understand each other despite them.
3. His Words And Actions Might Not Match Up:
Even if he hasn’t said, “I love you,” he may be showing his love and affection for you differently:
He Takes You to the Cookout
If he brings you around his friends and family, that’s a good sign that he’s emotionally committed enough to you to start to integrate you into other parts of his life.
Even if he hasn’t said the L-word, showing you off to the essential people in his life signifies his serious feelings for you.
He Likes to Cuddle
Men won’t always admit it, but many of them love casual physical contact with the woman in their life.
Hand-holding, spooning, or lounging with each other while watching a movie are all signs that he adores you.
He Plays “Mr. Fix It”
Doing small things around your home or even for your friends and family are great ways for men to express their love.
If he changes a lightbulb or lets your siblings help him replace a spark plug, he’s showing affection for you and your family unit.
What If He Lies About Other Feelings?
If you’re with a guy who goes through something hard, you may be hurt if he doesn’t open up to you.
If he loses a loved one or misses out on that dream job, he may not be likely to chat with you about it.
They may also feel sad but claim they are mad instead. This stems from being told that anger is a more appropriate emotion than sadness.
You might think he’s lying, but it’s just part of him processing his negative emotions.
Since many men express emotion through problem-solving (or fixing things around the house), they may need time alone to decompress in the garage, at the gym, jamming on their guitar, or playing video games.
Help Him Shoulder The Burden
Since some men struggle with their emotions, standing or sitting next to them while you’re having a discussion can sometimes be more accessible than sitting eye-to-eye.
People feel more comfortable expressing difficult things or being vulnerable when they don’t have to look at you directly. They can stare at their hands or the ceiling and feel more confident about their words.
For example, you might have felt more comfortable talking to your parents about difficult topics when you were in the car with them, rather than sitting across the table from them.
Men may be more willing to open up when you’re on a walk together, seeing a museum exhibit, or ice-skating. Plan your date nights around activities like these to facilitate opportunities for conversations, or get in the car and go for a ride.
Final Thoughts:
Emotions can be complex for all of us, and they’re incredibly personal.
We’re all taught how to process, express, or repress our emotions to different levels. If you’re serious about your relationship, you and your partner need to learn to express your emotions together.
What feels right for you might not be right for him. It’s a process, but you can learn to speak the same language if you’re both invested in the relationship.
Sources:
Kids in the Car: Talking to Teens | Psycologytoday.com